Super Bowl XLVIII – A Religious Experience

As you all well know, Nostradennis is not about making predictions, but rather about ESP. However, last year he made his first Super Bowl prediction. That prediction was based upon science, facts, and evolution, and the outcome was not only correct, but almost dead on. This year, however, his prediction is based upon the exact opposite: Creation and Religion.

So, here is his prediction for Super Bowl XLVIII based upon creation and religion which has come to him in a recent vision.

It will be a tough battle in Mother Nature’s setting, with the Denver Bronco’s coming out ahead by the score of 23-17. It’s possible that it could end 23-20, but even then, Denver covers the 2 1/2 point spread, so give the points, take the Broncos, and share your winnings with your loved ones. Naturally, the winning coach will be named FOX. And, his win will be Fair and Balanced News! Nothing to do with science and facts.

The winning pass will be caught by Demaryius Thomas over a leaping and pissed off Richard Sherman who will get on his knees, look up to the heavens and ask, “Why, why, why, me Oh Mighty One? I forgive you. You are the greatest, not me”! Moments afterwards, a riot will break out at the Federal Prison in Tallahassee, Florida where both Demaryius’ mother and grandmother are being held for dealing drugs to support the family while he was just a kid.

After receiving his MVP trophy from the former Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius Allen, Peyton Manning will tell the world that he is going to Disney World, like all former Super Bowl MVP’s, but this year there will be a twist. After a brief stop at Disney World, where he meets Pope Francis to drive through the legendary and heavenly wonderland in the Pope Mobile, Peyton and Frankie will then hook up with former Pope Papa John and the three of them will head off on a short 60 mile journey to the Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral, Florida in the Pope Mobile. Massive crowds will line the highways to Cape Canaveral. Former Pope Papa John and Saint Peyton will throw large pepperoni and Canadian bacon “Thin Crust” pizza pies to children and their parents in the crowd along with Trojan condoms and dime bags of “Panama Red” (a new and ingenious marketing campaign designed to get people the munchies and actually want to buy the pizza and have safe sex afterwards).

Upon arrival at Cape Canaveral, the Pope and former Pope will bless Saint Peyton with incense and holy water and walk him up to the very first Pope Rocket which will launch immediately and take Peyton directly into Heaven, without passing Go. Peyton will enter the pearly gates to great applause from ancient Roman Gladiators past. After enjoying some well deserved time off and rest in the bright light that is upon him, he will end his vacation on June 5th to start heavy reflection on June 6, 2014, the 70th anniversary of D-Day, and think of those tragic and important events that happened on “Omaha” Beach. He will begin chanting the words Omaha, Omaha, Omaha so much it will become his mantra and this soothing exercise will lead him to a new vision of the world he will ultimately create: One of Peace and Love and Football.

Peyton’s first order of business to create a New World, will be to trade his younger brother Eli. This will not be easy, but nothing is when you are God. His first thought will be to make Eli a Cardinal, but after some whining from Eli that he deserves a better fate, and careful consideration, Peyton will make the trade that will change the world forever on August 29, 2015 the 10th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Eli will become a Saint that day and return to the Family of Man (ning) in his holy home and the home of Peytonism throughout the world; New Orleans.

Eli will be welcomed home to this treasured, historic, holy city by none other than Goddess Katrina herself, the Goddess of Holy Water, Spirit(s), Football, Blues Musicians, and Mardi Gras Beads. From that day on every August 29th billions and billions of Peytonites around the world will make the long trek to New Orleans to pray to Peyton, Archie, Eli, Pope Papa John, Pope Francis, and Goddess Katrina as they watch the Annual Kickoff Bowl which will start the NFL season every year in the Super Dome which will show off it’s brand new magnificently holy ceiling painted by the one and only Michael Jordan Angelo who will be jumping through hoops as high as he can to complete it on time.